Feb 072010

UK Home Secretary Alan Johnson has revealed an amazing plan to convert the traditional outcome of a typical night out in the UK – glassing – into mere denting, according to an Associated Press report. He aims to swap ordinary glass glasses for more nanny-friendly shatterproof versions.

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“British Home Secretary Alan Johnson holds two prototype pint glasses designed not to break up into dangerous shards on impact” – Associated Press

Phase two is rumoured to involve the production of non-stinging beer and splashproof tumblers. Each year, literally tens of Londoners suffer mild drink-related eye trauma due to careless carousing.

Also on the cards are blunt cocktail sticks; non-exploding maraschino cherries (the alcohol and sugar can easily be converted into semtex); and a genetically modified lemon that can be sliced without leaving sharp edges.

We feel safer every day.


Jul 052009

brownwaterWoke up this mornin’
My water was brown
This was quite disturbing
So I went to the water company’s website and it had very little useful information to indicate whether it was safe for me to drink it or not.

[Da na nah na nah]

Apr 192009

gordonsYesterday, enjoyed a very pleasant afternoon that started in Gordon’s Wine Bar (London’s oldest, apparently) and ended on the terrace by the Royal Festival Hall, overlooking the Thames. First warm afternoon for a good while.  

While I’ve lived in and around London for nigh on ten years I very rarely visit or look at any of it, because it’s full of scary weirdos…