My kettle.
Oh Morphy Richards…
Why did you make a kettle
With such fragile hinges that
The very heat of water boiling
In the kettle made them turn to
Soft and squidgy plastic that did shear,
It made me shed a tear.
And why did I then…
Remember that the guarantee
That came with that old kettle was
Discarded as per usual into
Essex County Council’s scheme
For getting rid of things,
That need recycling?
A further question…
That after such a disappointing
Quality of kettle hinges
Issue with our Morphy Richards
I should venture forth unto the
Local shop that sells replacement
Kettles, from the bargain basement
Tesco own-brand model that just
Doesn’t fit quite with the other
Useless chrome appliances that
Somehow fill someone with rapture
Even when the manufacture
Leaves more than a little bit to
Be desired but what of it, it’s
Just another lump of plastic
Destined to become more spastic
Slurry in a landfill ditch
And so I bought another Morphy Richards.
[coda ]
And guess what…?
The monkeys that designed this thing
Forgetting that the boiling
Of water would tend to produce
A certain quantity of steam…
That would then by necessity
Just rise up to the lid you see
And so become a hazard when
The lid should be pressed down again…
E.g. when you have filled it up
To have another pleasant cup
Of tea, except the second time
Will not, I’m sure, be as sublime…
Because they made the lid of chrome
To match the shiny sides and lo!
They do reflect a lot of light
But that’s to miss the point that I
Have burned my fucking hand because
The lid of this device just was
As hot as boiling water, and
Surprise at that was only dwarfed
By lack of the surprise, of course,
That it was yet another Morphy Richards.
